Category: And That’s How I Feel About That

In my everyday life, I follow a couple of rules – there may be more but they don’t apply right now. The first rule is simple. Don’t hate. I feel that it takes too much energy from you to maintain that hatred. And it darkens a person’s inner being/soul. Instead, I strongly dislike. And then there is the second rule which is don’t talk about things, other than with your family, that can cause you to lose your friends and/or may cause a person to do you bodily harm. Those are the tough things. Religion, abortion, and politics. These are the minefield topics and they really are explosive. Don’t get me wrong I have very strong opinions on these issues but I silently voice my opinion with my vote. So, today I am going to break that rule. 

I love my country. I can’t carry a tune in a bucket but I sing our National Anthem with pride. I support our troops. I vote and encourage others to vote. I often say that if you don’t vote then you don’t have a right to complain about the way things are going. It’s true. You didn’t take the time to participate you don’t get the participation award. I participate and now I get to Bitch!!

So here it is. I really wanted to do a rant on President Trump and how he is like a wanna-be dictator, ruler, tyrant or what have you. It was going to be brilliant. It was going to be awesome. Genius. But, then I thought I heard that he doesn’t think it is American to say negative things about the President of the United States of America (Mr. Donald J. Trump) even though that is exactly what he has done to previous Presidents (Mr. Barack Obama). And then I thought I heard that he feels this should be a punishable offense. Wait!! What??!!? And that anyone criticizing or saying anything bad about America is UNAMERICAN! Really? And then that he either said or tweeted that four duly elected women of the House of Representatives of the United States of America should “Go Back”? Seriously? 

So my rant may have changed a bit. So, if I piss the President of the United States of America off with my post is he going to tell me to “Go Back”? I wanted to know exactly where I would be shipped to, as I don’t recall living anywhere before the small town in Illinois, you know, THE Illinois in the good old US of A, where I was born. And I only speak English, the kind of English spoken in small towns in the American version of Illinois. I wanted to know in case I needed to get Rosetta Stone or Babble Fish or some such to bone up on the obscure language whatever it might be of my ancestors, and so I started an account with www.ancestory.com. 

Then, just for reference, I googled Mr. Donald J. Trump. According to www.wikipedia.com, Mr. Trump’s grandfather was an immigrant to the United States from Germany in 1885. Apparently, it was easier to cross an ocean than to walk across the border.  

As I continued my research into my own family line I discovered that the Trump family is really just a newborn to the new world. I was born and raised in a small town in Illinois but my ancestors have fought for this country through two world wars, one civil war and oh also one revolutionary war. Yes, that revolutionary war. Not a bone spur in the bunch.

Sometimes what it seems that I hear from the Commander-in-Chief is “it’s my yard, my ball and if you don’t like it go home”. But the thing is that there were generations of immigrants that got here before him or any of his people. Mine for instance. In his terms that should give me the right to say the same thing to him. My family was here first, close the door. No more room at the inn. But I wouldn’t and I can’t. After all the Native Americans were here way before my family. In schoolyard bully terms, it’s their yard. 

As we all know, or at least the people I care about know, I live in my own world. It’s a world where everyone is nice to each other. I like rainbows, puppies and believe in Santa (because if you don’t he will stop giving me presents). The simple truth is we do not live a world where everyone is respected, loved, wanted or welcomed. I am not perfect, I have my faults. There are people who may even hate me because I am American or that I have grey hair or that I am chubby or a woman or whatever else I may be or may have done to piss them off. There are people who I strongly dislike and people I fear. But, I would not tell them to go back to wherever they may have come from. For one I would not want to piss off the Statue of Liberty who has strong feelings about immigrants. But more so because it is just wrong. It is UnAmerican! 

Lately, I have been unable to put words to paper in any coherent manner or thought. I have been adrift. Maybe this is what they call writer’s block.  I don’t know. John says that he heard that a writer will sit down and commit to writing at least 1,000 words in a day. No matter if those words are non-sensical or full-blown thoughts. So I thought I might try even if it is crap. 

I have been trying to write but it always seems something comes up that needs attention, such as Cooper barking at the man who mows our yard, MeMe wanting to play, Mom and I want to chat or a text to/from John, something and anything to avoid actually sitting down and writing. It’s not like I don’t want to write but more like I feel that I can’t and that anything I have tried to write has been crap. 

I had an idea for a book. I started an outline, I don’t normally work from an outline as I tend to free write. Then those familiar thoughts come flooding in – telling me in no uncertain terms that I am not good enough to write a book and if I actually did write a book no one would want to read it because it is crap. 

At this point, I have written exactly 227 words, not counting anything passed the number seven. That was not the number I was hoping to have achieved. Crap. 

Mother’s Day happened. It was a nice day. Then the bad text happened. My father-in-law passed away. He was 96 years old. He lived a nice long life, married the love of his life, and enlisted in the Army Air Corp (before the Air Force was a thing) and became a navigator on the B-17 bomber the Passionate Witch flying missions over Germany and France. He was a father to three boys and a girl, had grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Dad was a doctor and was loved by everyone who knew him. Maybe one day I will expand on all that I want to say about him. But right now I don’t think I can.  When someone that you love dies, you just feel like crap.

As with anything in life, there is paperwork involved. John and I sat down to fill out some forms, answered the easy questions first then had to hunt down the answers that we should know but just can’t seem to remember. Finally, all the blanks are filled out, hopefully correctly, it actually took me two tries to fold the documents properly to fit in the self-addressed NOT postage-paid envelope that was provided. Then, since I don’t often send letters to anyone since Facebook is around, I have to hunt down a stamp. I felt amazed that I found six stamps. Four 39¢ stamps and two 37¢ stamps, I have no idea how old they are at this point but they were purchased in the winter months due to the Christmas and winter motifs. Then since I haven’t mailed anything lately I had to research how much postage is for a first-class letter. Just so you know that at this time it is 55¢ and I can’t find a forever stamp anywhere, John to the rescue, he found two. The paperwork is now signed, sealed and stamped. Then, as I feel like this was a job well done, I noticed on the paperwork that came with the form, the fateful words, “or you may submit this online.” What a perfect way to waste a forever stamp. Crap. 

Since the last word count, I have only written an additional 384 words. Still not near to the thousand words. Again, crap. 

Four hundred words to go. When I was in school, I would pour a glass of wine and whip out an essay as easy as pie. Always an A. Except when I got that one B. That professor did not like my choice of story to read and write about from the selections that she provided the class. It was not my fault that nobody had written about that particular story. If she did not want a student to write about it she should not have offered it. I shouldn’t be bitter, but I am because THAT B was total crap. 

There is a quote “write drunk, edit sober” which is attributed to Ernest Hemmingway. According to my research on the internet, all of sixty seconds, this may or may not be an actual Hemmingway quote. Whether it is or isn’t matters not to me. While I don’t condone drinking and driving, writing is a whole different ball game. I don’t mind an occasional glass of wine, or beer, or sure a Martini while writing. Probably not the beer. Only a glass, maybe two. Maybe that is why I can’t find my words to write anything. I have not had a glass of wine. Crap. 

It’s only 10:35 am. Too early for wine. That is most ashamedly crap. 

In an effort to try and be proactive in this writing thing, I went back and read some of the things I had started and then stopped. I thought that there might actually be something in that junk pile that would be worth writing about and I thought I might expand on these ideas and make some headway on them. Want to know why I stopped writing those? Because they are crap!

Today’s theme, in case you have not noticed is the random musings that go through my mind. Thoughts that mostly are a bunch of crap that have no real meaning, no beginning, and no end. There is not a story here to tell. I wish there was and if there was this would definitely be more interesting. I will post this random thought essay, it will stand as a testament to myself that I wrote 1,000 words even when I had nothing to say but crap.

Recently, John and I decided to adopt a puppy. It has been four months since our beloved Max has passed. Peekaboo and Cooper are not as happy and honestly neither are we.

I think that we really need a new love in our lives. Someone that Cooper can play with, and someone Boo can take care of, and someone that needs us. So we want a puppy. I know, I know you can not replace one dog with another. Trust me. Maxwell P. will never be replaced. But, I think Max may have helped us find the puppy that will be the right amount of naughty and fun and love for our family.

Over the years, we have adopted dogs. We would meet them then say “ok we like this dog lets take her home”. But, somewhere things have changed. You have to search on the internet as most rescues do not seem to want you to visit the dog to see if you even like the dog before filling out paperwork and being ‘fully vetted’ which includes a home visit and vet recommendations and personal references contacted prior to a ‘meet and greet’ with the intended dog. Seriously? Yes, seriously.

My questions are: do you really want to have this dog adopted? Do you really think that what most people write on an application is 100 percent true? Why do you need to judge my house before I can even look at a dog? Why does no one want to talk to me personally?

I found a rescue that did just that. After my initial contact about if this puppy was still available, I received a phone call. She asked questions and I answered willingly. I asked questions and she answered. It was a great conversation. A ‘meet and ‘greet was set up for Saturday and we decided to adopt this ball of fur that is adorable.

Sunday night I received an email saying that I was conditionally approved for adoption by another rescue based on the outcome of the home visit. I wrote a letter to respond and thought I might share it.

Here it is:

October 29, 2018

To Whom it may concern,

The Krueger Family would like to take this opportunity to inform you that at this time your adoption services will no longer be required, as this position has been filled.

While we were applying to your agency we were also interviewing you. I would like to take this opportunity to provide you with some feedback.

We were under the assumption after having adopted several dogs into our family throughout the years that we would be granted ‘meet and greet’ prior to filling out adoption paperwork. Our thoughts were that we would not waste anyone’s time with paperwork if we did not feel this puppy or dog would fit into our family. But instead, we were to submit paperwork and deemed worthy even before we were to see if we would like to continue with this particular dog.

We were judged solely on an application that felt more like a mortgage application. We were not judged on who we are as we were not even spoken to by an actual human. Just the occasional email and lucky to get that. This process felt cold and impersonal and frankly caused us some wonder about the legitimacy of some of the “rescue” groups.

Even after submitting the paperwork we were not guaranteed that we would be even considered for the puppy/dog that we inquired about. Adoptive parents search and search. We go to rescues and shelters and we search the internet to find a face that could possibly fit our families. One that will love us as we will love it. But, to go through all this process to be told it is no longer available is not really fair to anyone. And can be a waste of time if you do not have a dog that fits that particular families needs.

The rescue that we chose to work with, upon my inquiry to see if the puppy was still available immediately called me. We spoke for over an hour and set up a ‘meet and greet’ with the puppy and then filled out an adoption application. References were checked. Puppy is now adopted and part of the Krueger Family.

Thank you for your time and for the efforts you are making on behalf of these pets but sometimes having that human touch is necessary when finding a great home for a puppy or dog.

Thank you for your consideration,

The Krueger Family
John, Shari, Peekaboo, Cooper and River

I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, whether adopting a child or an animal, adopting is the best thing you can do. But sometimes the way the agencies go about it can make a person feel less than, but I know that I am a good mom to my babies. I love them and adore them and I just wanted this to be more of a personal experience from beginning to end and only one rescue stepped up and provided that for all of us.

Yesterday it was hot, today it is hot. I personally, would prefer to be home in my Doctor Who themed office with my puppies Peekaboo and Cooper aka Ken Howard. A few years ago my rear spoiler on our car, The Tardis, took a hit from what I assume was a boulder flying off a rock hauler on 270 in Columbus. The paint was damaged and it needed to be repainted. It went to Service King and they did a nice job. But it didn’t keep. Maybe a smudge of oil or grease under the paint, maybe something else. I’m not a car painter so it’s hard to say much about the why but the what is pretty clear. The paint is peeling off and it needs to have warranty work. So back to Service King for warranty work and a rental on them. Wow, that is service!

From our home to Columbus it can take anywhere from thirty-five minutes to what seems like forever depending on traffic and of course how fast I am going. So, I was up at 5:09 am, I snoozed it. Hopped in the shower, got dressed, dried my hair, made breakfast, gave Boo her medicine and made sure they went out to potty. Circled the house making sure that I have everything I may need at least three times. You know that when I write this it sounds like a well-oiled machine except for the circling three times. But it really isn’t. Between each of these tasks I often get distracted. My brain says “Oh look something shiny! Oooo wait over there, that’s pretty. Boy, music would be nice, let me go turn on the TV. Shit! I can’t find my glasses.” So while John, wakes up, takes a shower, gets dressed, makes coffee, eats breakfast, lets the dogs out again, I have basically run a half marathon without ever leaving my house. John is very well organized, I am not.

I go from that flurry of pre-journey activity to driving John to work, which I enjoy. It is my quiet time except with lots of talking with John and singing. Yes, I sing off-key, loud and make up my own words. Yes, John loves me anyway. I drop him off, then drop the car off to get fixed. Since I have some work to do, but I really don’t want to do it, I decide to go shopping before I pick John up for lunch. Target, Marshall’s, then over to Tim Horton’s for a cup of coffee and a bit of free wifi and work. After lunch with John, I decided I would head over to the mall.

Now I haven’t been to the mall in about a year. I knew it would be crowded but it was hot out and I decided to brave it. Recently, John said he heard that Amazon was killing the mall, I am here to say that it is not just Amazon. Expecting a lot of people at the mall, I was shocked to find that there was hardly anyone there. Skeleton crews of employees at the big stores like JCPenney and Macy’s, and at the smaller stores only one or two employees. Most are stocking shelves or having conversations about something or other with someone or other and can not be bothered to acknowledge a customer. I noticed that racks are often over-stuffed, crowded and in general disarray. Messy over packed stores with just one customer is bad, but imagine now with a lot of customers. Like maybe Christmas time. It would be a nightmare.

Prices are high and clearance racks are overflowing. It is hard to find your size or any assistance whatsoever. I actually found a cute purse, it was about five or six inches across and I like small purses. It was $199.00. Not on sale and not on clearance. Seriously, I put that purse back where I found it quicker than dropping a hot potato. At Target I found a purse I liked that was $34.99, not on sale or on clearance. Hmmm. That is a big difference. I could get a whole outfit plus shoes that match the purse for less than just one purse at the mall.

But, the main reason I went there was to be cool on a hot day. Nope. Should have stayed at Target where it was nice and cool. The mall was hot. Why? We are having a small heat wave and the mall is not able to keep us cool. I left and went to a different Target. They might have different stuff. They did. It was good.

So today it is still hot and I have to go back to Columbus. Repeat morning routine. But the difference is that today, I decided to go to the library. I found out that they have free wifi and thought it would be quiet and I could get a lot of work done.  So off I go.

When I was growing up and went to the Ida Public Library in Belvidere, Illinois, it was always the perfect temperature and it smelled like books. There was always a librarian that said “Shh!” if there was too much noise. Food or drink was not allowed in the building; there was a water fountain if you were thirsty. A large central card catalog which was supposed to tell you exactly where the books were exactly located according to the Dewey Decimal System, I often would just roam the aisles and find a book that looked interesting. There were stacks of books that seemed to go right up to the ceiling on every floor, except the basement, that is where the children’s books were and kids were unable to reach that high. There were no cell phones or computers at that time. All you could do was do your work or read a book in the quiet, in the solitude. Old school. Word.

I arrived at the Hilliard branch of the Columbus Metropolitan Library about fifteen minutes after it opened at 9:00 am, let me tell you I was surprised. The parking lot which is large enough by my rough estimate able to hold about 150 or more cars, was almost half full. I walk in expecting that soft smell of books worn by touch and soft light. Instead, there is a row of computers to use for self-checkout and to use to locate a book. There are even baskets for you to hold the books you want to check out. I look around for a place to sit and realize the first floor is really busy. There is even a cafe where you can have coffee and a bagel or get a sandwich for lunch. But not chips you are not allowed chips. You can have vegetable straws instead. I notice the cafe even sells souvenir t-shirts, pins, shopping bags, and travel coffee mugs.

I head upstairs. Most of the second floor is really quiet, as people are in the meeting and study rooms. I locate a spot near a window and an outlet for my laptop. I felt that I scored a good one on this location. Others soon follow as this really is a good spot. Ugh. I also realize that the library is a very noisy place. Children are no longer excited to just go look at the books and pick one that their mommy will read to them later, computers for toddlers are where it’s at now. Children still like story time at the library, but story time is announced over the intercom system for everyone to hear.

After a short while, a woman with three large designer tote bags and an extremely large purse and a computer bag sits at a table next to me. She is loud. From her brightly colored shirt to the way she bangs on her keyboard, I think maybe I should move. Then her phone rings. I thought for about a half of a second that she would put the phone on silent and let it go to voicemail or at the very least whisper a “hello?” and run to get outside or step into a room not being used. No such luck. This woman proceeds to have a very loud conversation for about five minutes. The thing is voices carry really well in a building that is as open as this one is. I am sure that everyone on the first floor, as well as those of us on the second floor, heard this conversation. I had hopes the librarian would swoop in and tell her “Shh!” It didn’t happen. I left for a bit of lunch in the cafe without potato chips only vegetable straws (I have never had one, they may or may not be good for you, but at my age, I think I will stick with potato chips. They are a vegetable too.) Luckily when I came back she was gone.

When I used to go to the mall one of the best things to do was people watch. Today at the library, sitting in a comfortable chair in front of a window, enjoying really amazing air conditioning, I am people watching… and working. There seems to be a never-ending stream of people wanting to come to the library. I realize that the library is taking the place of the mall. The mall was a place of social interaction, where you could enjoy time perusing the aisles and finding a movie to watch. Someone once told me that libraries are a thing of the past. This truly saddened me. How sad is it that children will no longer learn the love of a good story, students not able to find the research for their essay and adults just wanting to find a good book. However, today I learned that the library from my past has grown and met the 21st-century head-on. It did not shrink and quietly die in the darkest corner, it has bloomed and become more than most would have thought possible.

So, please visit your local library, get your library card and remember “Shh!”