Yesterday my granddaughter turned six. Boy how time flies. For her birthday, her mom took her to every child’s mecca, Chuck E. Cheese. She loved it. Last night I remembered the last time I ever went to Chuck E. Cheese’s and I laughed hysterically until I cried. I am a bad mom and here is what happened. (insert dream sequence now)
Joshua was three going on four and wanted to have his birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. John and I dreaded this request as we had learned from parents in the know that it was loud and really expensive. We were poor. So like any young parents, we scrimped and saved and gave our child what he wanted. Chuck E. Cheese.
My father-in-law wanted to spend the day with Joshua and take him out to lunch and then to the movies and anything else that happened to pop into their heads that day. I remember asking Dad to not give him too much junk food as we were going to Chuck E. Cheese and he said, “Don’t worry. He will be fine.” And off they toddled toward the car with barely a wave or kiss goodbye. Joshua idolized his Grandpa.
Later that evening John and I arrive at Chuck E. Cheese and soon are met by my mother and John’s parents and Joshua. Joshua is so excited and talked all about what they did that day. They went to the movies and he had a large popcorn and pop, two candy bars, they went for lunch at McDonald’s and he had a happy meal and a shake and he played at the playground. And he is so happy that he is at Chuck E. Cheese. I look at my father-in-law and he shrugs and tries to smile. He knows he was naughty.
So we all sit down, order the pizza and while we wait I take Joshua to play some games. My father-in-law who just can’t sit still for any amount of time comes over and takes Joshua to the climbing Jungle Jim/slide thing and the ball pit. When the pizza arrives Joshua is the first to dive in. Now Joshua has never been one to get sick on food. He was small but had an appetite that would have made a professional competitive hot dog eater proud. But this day…this day was just too much excitement. And well, to be as nice as possible, everything came back up. All over the table and of course the remaining pizza. It was not pretty.
We cleaned up the mess and left. On the way home, Joshua asked if we could go again. Here is where I become a bad mom.
Before I knew it, I said, “I’m sorry, but we can’t.”
“Why?” he whined.
I didn’t want Joshua to know we didn’t have money and we couldn’t afford going there again, so I lied. I broke my rule and I lied and now my little boy will pay the price. I said, “Well, Joshua, did you see that wall with all the pictures on it?” (there may or may not have been a wall but I distinctly remember there being a wall with pictures on it.)
“Yes, mommy I saw it,” he said with the honesty of a newly minted four-year-old.
“Well, that wall is where they put the pictures of every child who threw up in Chuck E. Cheese and they send that child’s picture to every Chuck E. Cheese in the country.”
“Why, mommy?” he asked.
“Those children that got sick can never go back.” I looked at John and he nodded.
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
Mission accomplished. Birthday wish at Chuck E. Cheese completed and banned for life. I am not proud of this. Who am I kidding? Of course, I am. No parent really wants to go to Chuck E. Cheese, I just got out of ever going there again.
This one lie had a rippling effect. Jack, who was not born yet, was not allowed to go either. In that Big Brother Knows way that big brothers use with little brothers, Joshua would explain to Jack every so often how he got banned for life. And Jack would say, “Thanks a lot, Joshua!” and walk away. Poor Jack, but don’t worry he got to do other things. But that was it. Until that fateful day. (Flash forward several years)
Joshua was sixteen and looking for a job. He was having trouble finding one and a friend of his suggested Chuck E. Cheese. Oh, what a tangled web we weave…Joshua said he wanted to apply and he did. He got called for an interview. He was excited and nervous. He was dressed so nice on a hot Texas day he even wore a tie. He looked great. I drove him to Chuck E. Cheese and waited patiently in the car while he went for his interview. After a while, he came back, got in the car and we talked.
“How did it go?” I asked.
“It was going really well,” he said.
“Then what happened?”
“So, she met me at the front and we start walking down the hall, I am you know, keeping my head down. We get to her office and she asked questions which I answered and she told me what the job was going to be and how much I would get paid,” he told me.
“Yes, go on,” I said.
He looked at me and said, “ Then she asked me, ‘Do you have any questions?’”
“And did you?” I asked.
“Yes, I did. I asked her where the wall was.”
Oh shit! “You didn’t!”
“Yes, I did. She asked, “What wall?” and I said, “You know, the wall that has the pictures of every child who gets sick and is banned for life?”
Shocked and trying not to laugh. I said, “Oh, Joshua!”
Then Joshua said, “She looked at me and said, “There is no wall.” She asked me to leave. You know mom, there is no wall.”
“I know,” I laughed and I explained everything. And no, he did not get the job.
Some parents tell their children they are going to take them to Disneyland next year and never do. If you tell a child something at the right age they will remember it for life. I was a bad mom for lying to my child but I knew that it was something I would have to do. If I had said “maybe some other time” I would have been pestered to go and would always be the bad guy for breaking his heart when I said “No” for the umpteenth time because we could not afford it and he would not have understood if I had said “No, we can’t afford it.” He was too young. The moral of this story is that if you are going to tell a lie to a child, see it through. Go big or go home.